Earthly rewards

When it comes to motherhood, I tend to be hard on myself.  I am a very idealistic, perfectionistic type.  As for my temperament I am a "melancholic", according to Catholic tradition.  So, naturally that would make me hard on my children as well.
I always wonder if I'm doing it right since with a three and a half year old there is nothing predictable or set about her ways.  I'm constantly thinking, is this just how they are at this age or am I making her crazy?!  Well, after a couple of days of some regressive behavior on her part and a little more spanking on my part I got my answer tonight.
My children were fed, bathed and in their pj's playing with their new train track and I had just cleaned the kitchen, even mopped the floor, so I was feeling very good about my day.  Note to anyone who isn't a stay-at-home-mom: yes, this is a huge accomplishment in our world! I really couldn't have been more content at that moment which proves to me that this is my vocation for sure.  Then Betty June comes up to me and hugs my leg and says "You're a good Mommy." I had to ask her to repeat herself because I wasn't sure I heard her right.  When she said it again tears welled up.  I hugged her and said how happy that made me and that I wanted to be the best mommy I could be because I loved her so much.  She promptly said "And Jesus loves you, too!"  It was like she read my mind because I could never be a good mom or love my children like I do if I didn't know his love first.  This exchange touched me deeply because she's never said anything like that before or even told me she loved me.  She's just not the affectionate type.
When I had Betty June more than three years ago, I did not know God or his deep love for me.  And you can't give love that you haven't been given yourself.  I had a very hard time being a mom and bonding with her.  I will be totally honest. I was terrified, even resentful.  I went through a crisis from the time she was one until I got pregnant with Luke a few months later.  As I look back, I took her for granted because I was that selfish and lost.
So many good things and people came into my life after that and I believe with all my heart that God orchestrated it all because he knew I was finally ready to return his love. I quickly and eagerly came to know God's love and his plan for me. I was made new and saw everything in a new light.  It was as if I had been blind my entire life until then.
Now I do everything for Christ, who did the ultimate for me.  I want nothing more than to love Him and others, although I will admit I have a harder time with the others part!  But, even my three year old seems to be aware that my love for her is born of an even greater love...